Have you been having particularly evocative dreams lately? You don’t have to be a caped superhero at night to prefer your dreams to everyday, waking reality. Sometimes simple, subtle differences are all that are needed to make your life seem miserable in comparison. Anyway, here’s some advice for dealing with these illusory visions:

Been dreaming of a rock star? Write them! Notice how you don’t have anything particularly meaningful to say, and how quickly your letter turns into cliche fawning, no matter how hard you work at being witty. Concentrate on the fact that they’ll never actually read the letter; instead an intern at a faceless record company will review the work you poured your soul into. Try to meet them! Stumble over your words when you finally encounter them at the restaurant you’ve been staking out for three months. You might get an autographed picture, if not a restraining order.

Been dreaming of an exotic land? Go there! Save up your money for the trip you’ve always wanted to take. Notice how much the air stinks when you get off the airplane. There’s more smog than America, because of lax environmental regulation! And the wonderful people—so many of them! It’s like walking around in a crowded elevator, 24 hours a day! Oh, and the food! Such small portions, and so expensive! Doesn’t it make you hate American capitalism, with its 29 cent cheeseburgers and unlimited beverages?

Been dreaming of that special someone? Do they give you a chance in your dreams that you just don’t have in real life? Call them! Pay particular attention to how strained your conversation is; how difficult you find it to actually be entertaining in their presence. Try to be friends, but notice how your jokes don’t come off right. But I’m sure that’s just because of the 2 second international phone delay, right?

Here’s a theory I’m working on: your Super Smash Brothers playing style reveals much about your personality and style of engagement with the world at large.

Bo – Opportunistic: Usually playing either Samus or Pikachu, Bo often comes out on top during stock matches. This fighting style entails direct confrontation only when necessary. Bo is perfectly content to stand outside the fray while the other combatants whittle each other away. When he does engage opponents, it is far more likely to be with range attacks or indirect methods. Examples would be Pikachu’s air and ground lightning or Samus’ blaster and bomb dropping. This style of play is effective but pisses everyone off.

Rob – Social Player: Rob usually fights with Kirby, but doesn’t use the same tactics as Miley (see below). Most often placing in the middle of the pack, Rob’s fighting style is an example of active but nonsuicidal engagement (see Tim below). This is a fair and fun battle method, which most players share. Everyone has fun around a social player, and he’s the first to invite new people into battle.

Miley – Avoidance: I have to first mention the incredible physical similarity between Miley and her favorite characters, Kirby and Jiggly Puff. No one that knows her can deny that eery likeness when they see the taunt of either glorified balloon. Miley’s fighting style is one of avoidance—invariably, during a four player stock battle Miley is the last to die. She uses her floating abilities to move over and away from the main battle. This could seem opportunstic, like Bo, but the difference lies in the fact that she is quickly annhilated when the battle finally comes down to her and a single remaining opponent. Miley adds a comedy element to most battles, every once in a while taunting the the rest of the players and inducing a mass attack on her.

Jon – Calculating: I have to retreat into metaphor to explain Jon’s fighting style. Where Bo’s character may have no qualms keeping the wallet of drunk that drops it, Jon’s character is the one waiting in the shadows with a baseball bat, ready to beat the drunk, turn him upside down and shake all the change loose from his pockets. Jonathan’s fighting style is animal aggression and cunning, a singleminded pursuit of victory. This style is savagely effective. In fact, this super effectiveness is Jon’s only weakness: after playing with him for any period of time, other players realize the danger he poses and team up to take him out as soon as possible.

Tim – Messiah Complex: I use Link, the character with the most double-sided attacks. My fighting style is active engagement without let up. I sometimes win stock melees, but most often come out on top of time battles. I have the most KOs, but a correspondingly large number of deaths as well. Where any sensible player will concentrate on a single foe at a time—preferably the weakest foe—my motto is simple: Kill Everyone Now. This style is either very effective or completely useless. There is an old saying that applies to it: Try for everything, and you will often get nothing.

I haven’t updated in a while, but there’s a few things I wanted to put here. Since they aren’t fresh, I can’t build a complete story out of them, but here they are in succession:

The Melvins Changed My Life

I saw the Melvins play at the Glass House in Pomona in April. It was the single greatest show I have ever been to in my entire life, and it was only ten dollars. That’s simply how good it was. The Melvins played Smells Like Teen Spirit at the end of their first set—the place exploded. This is the closest I’m ever going to get to seeing Nirvana live. When they came back after the intermission, the three players—Buzz Osborne, the singer, with his guitar, the bassist, and the other guitarist—filed out and stood facing their speakers with their instruments. They didn’t look at the audience for a half hour; what they did was build up the most incredible wall of noise I have ever heard. It sounded like a freat train coming at the audience; not just the rhythmic chugging of the engine, but the wheels screeching on the rails and the blue sparks coming from metal meeting metals. Rattling doors on the sides of the cars, the headlamp shining into the darkness, and the entire train’s noise reverberating against the tunnel walls. They played for an hour and a half, that second set, and sang for perhaps 15 minutes of it. The noise never let up; it metamorphosed into songs and oozed out of them. It was beautiful textured free jazz grunge noise and melody. There was no beat but it bore into my soul.

The Melvins Would Change Your Life, Too

Whenever I tell people about the show, I feel the need to justify it: barely recognizable songs and feedback from the amplifiers doesn’t sound like most peoples’ idea of a good time. Let me tell you: I was not alone in my transfixion. Transfixion is the right word for the crowd; thrall is another good one. Ecstasy in the religious sense is not too much of an understatement. Through one a one half hours of feedback I did not see one person shuffle their feet in boredom. What I did see was an entire crowd of faces wondering how the sounds we heard could possibly be generated by guitar, bass, and drums.

Australia Update

I’ve obtained my ticket to Australia. I leave May 1st, the Feast of St. Joseph the Worker, and return on August 15, in time for the Assumption of Mary. BUNAC is processing my paperwork. Everything in regards to Australia is good except for this: Henry Rollins is touring the island continent this entire month of April. He plays Sydney on August 28th, three days before I arrive. On May 3rd, two days after I leave, he plays here in Los Angeles. I’m very slightly upset; I wanted to see a Rollins show; the man has become an inspiration to me.

That is such a minor caveat that it’s hardly worth mentioning; but small disturbances make good, humorous writing. I wrote it for your benefit; you can imagine you’re actually talking to me.

Ch-Ch-Ch Changes

You probably noticed—unless you don’t care—that my website has changed. I’ve finally obtained a motif that I enjoy, and I’m consistentizing (it’s my word—I like it—I’m not changing it) the site. When I leave for Australia, Angst Dei will continue; it will become my travelogue. It may, before I leave, become the domain of the site.

On The Origin Of Angst Dei

The Agnes Dei is a three part recital during the mass; if you are Catholic you will know what it is when I tell you that “Agnes Dei” translates to Lamb of God. Angst Dei translates, thus, to Angst of God. If there is one angel in heaven each representing one of the infinite values of God, then I think that AngstDei could be the one watching over me.

“My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” (Matt 26:39)